♥ Sad - Family Issues ♥
So emo today..so mani inner thots..so unhappy..
Email with MJ today..
i realise one of the paragraph which i type for her is wat i realli felt.
i realli do not noe hw to express my thots further.
"But my selfish is bad side de
Dad always get money from mi
I got phobia liao lo
Dats y I wish I can dun gif him anymore
Dats y I chose to escape n be harsh to him
Even say those words to my bro dat I dun wan this father liao
But is natural for kids to feed their parents isint?
Y I can treat my mum so good, but cant spare a bit of love for my dad?
Sumtimes I finding excuse said becox dad doesn’t care for mi, he onli think for himself
He onli wan money
But if he dun even have money, hw I expect him to think for mi when he cant even save himself?
I am v mao dun..i duno y I turn out to b so cruel towards my dad lo
Yet I bu gan xin
Bu gan xin y my bro so useless, n I have to act filial in front of them,feed them
N my bro can jus relax n do nothing.
I duno hw to tel u my feeling.."
i merely copy n paste it here.
In the content, i realise i am so disappointed with one person.
Not dad, but Bro.
When can i stop worrying for him?
When will he start to think?
When will he grown up n be mature?
When will he contributes to our home?
When will he do his part as a son?
If he is not gg to do anything to his life, will my life still remains unchange like him? i think yes.
There is no way i can get out of this shit hole, at least for the next 2 yrs.
Its realli SICKENING to have a bro like him, cox i cant do anythin to him.
i cant beat him up, i cant slap him, i cant chase him out of the house...
i cant do anything n i have to see this useless bum NUA at my house.
-_-''
n this is MJ's reply:
"my thots...
you're jus a normal kid... jus becos of your family, life become dman tough for you...
if they are not that 'only think of themself' pattern, willing to help out..
i believe you also wont be so unhappy now...
mayb you can have a sum of saving, can do the things you wanna do..
but bcos of them... they make your life so hard...
so you mayb you tend to be on the bad side...(where the evil talk)
but even so... on the other side.. the angel is still there talking...(your soft-hearted side)
can only say 家家有本难念的经..."
Bingo. Indeed i am always shaken by my soft hearted side.
After reading her content, my heart felt sour n more tears drop down.
i realise i have things/dreams which i cant pursue at this stage.
I hope someone can share my burden, but yet i cant depend on my bro.
i have to stand alone n struggle thr.
I am Proud though, to say this, i did contribute to my family for the past working years (7 yrs at least)
i have nv stop giving mi my mum allowance n i am realli proud to be able to feed my parents.
i am proud that i've nv taken any money from my mum ever since i started working at the age of 17.
i am proud that i bought everythin with my own $, including all travel expenses, Laptop, mobile, n mani mani more.
But yet, i am still a human.
i get tire out at times.
Like i said, i felt Mao Dun now..i duno wat do i wan..wat can i do..
Wishing on the same star @ 2:26 PM
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Desginer/Editor: 
